Sorry I have been awol the last few days working, with one of my coworkers away ill I’ve had to fill in the gaps.  Needless to say, I’m exhausted. I’m not used to working this much especially now that I’ve started medication!

I have had a hard time with the “guy unavailable” as well. I reached out to him and to one of my best friends last week and was unfortunately greeted with words I didn’t want to hear.   Said guy, told me that I wasn’t giving him enough space, but also that I had “spoiled” us hanging out as friends. Why? Because I actually told him my feelings and was honest with him. I told him what it felt like for me. I told him I couldn’t easily separate sex from attachment.  

I tried to think about the best way I could write about it and explain it to him, which ended up being a 6-7 paragraph rant.  I apologized to him for putting him ‘through’ it.  I stopped myself afterwards realizing that I didn’t really need to apologize if I didn’t do anything wrong. Caring isn’t wrong.  Giving a crap isn’t wrong.  Maybe caring too much, yes that’s wrong.

The last message I received from him was “Just give me some time :) We’ll talk later alrite. Ciao.”   Which somehow made me feel better, just cause of that stupid emoticon smiley face insertion.  Why the hell is that?

*more to come*